Sigh. Lately, I had a rude awakening. I am, and will always be a “during” photo and not an “after” photo. But that’s how I want it! I don’t want to feel as though I have arrived physically, emotionally, spiritually, etc. Nutrition and fitness will always be a process that I evolve with. I am almost a year and a half into my journey. There has been a lot of people cheering me on and some have come and gone – but I am still grateful and humbled that they were in my life to get me to where I am today.
Recently, I realized I was a “during” when I started a new routine with a trainer. I puked the 2nd day only after 15 minutes – which was our first leg day. Then, I couldn’t do the reps at the weight he gave me nor finish one of his cardio workouts. Time and time again, I fell short of what he gave me. I am in his “beginner” stage. Seriously?! I lost 90 lbs and have been working out for over a year – kicking my butt – and I am a beginner?! I was livid with myself. I was irritated! But after 3 weeks in, I am not for sure if he did all that on purpose (knowing him after a few weeks, I bet he did!) or if I am learning a lesson on my own, but I needed that wake-up call. I needed to fall flat on my face. I have become comfortable with smashing goals and building confidence. I think I was a bit arrogant in my accomplishments, forgetting where I came from. I am not all that. When I do one, just one rep that has bad form – guess what? I have to do 2 reps with proper form to make up for the one measly sloppy rep. But that is what I need! Be consistent in all things! I needed to face challenges after challenges those first few weeks to use that irritation to change. To make it be fuel for my fire to bring myself to the next level. I am sure there will be moments to come that I fall way short. I will get mad. I will feel that I can’t do it but I will still try the next time. Eventually, I will succeed. Not right away, it may take weeks or months, but I will succeed.
I also did a 5k last week. I was sure that I would get it done in 30 mins or less. I had my hubby there beside me to push me to that mark. It would be an easy 3.1 miles! …No. Heck no. Another reality check. I haven’t had to walk any part of a 5k in a year. Last week, I ended up walking some spots. I was mad at my husband for telling me not to stop and honestly wanted to give him a piece of my mind, probably not using my nice words, at mile 2. I was nauseous, on the verge of puking, I had a pain in my side that was teasing me to stop. I did not feel like an overcomer. That second wind never happened near the finish line. It sucked. It was not fun.
But I needed that too. I will have races that suck, that fall short of where I think I should be. But what am I going to do with that irritation? Give up? Wallow in self pity? No way.
A month from now, a year from now, a decade from now – I will always be a “during”. If I ever think I have become an “after”, then I need to face some new challenges.
I look forward to seeing my new “during” photos next month. Despite all my shortcomings this month, my perseverance has been paying off. Down another dress size, fitting into my “tight” jeans comfortably, seeing the muscles forming and the loose skin tightening – shows that I am on the road to the next level.
So suck it up, buttercup!