It’s 830am. Monday conditioning with my trainer. Thoughts in my head -“What’s that pain in my leg? Is that normal? My heart rate is too high. I think I am going to puke…ok, maybe not. 13 burpees, that’s 2 more, then I am at 15, which is only 5 more, seriously? Why can’t i do this? Why is that treadmill making that noise? Why am I making that noise? Why didn’t I choose the bike when he gave me the choice? Hit the button! I am going to die! You are fine. Just breathe. You aren’t in pain. I am bored. This is taking forever. I can do this….no I can’t….I can do this….no I can’t, are you kidding me? Only half a mile? Ok. Stare at something. Today Show. Matt’s bald head. Oh I hate this. I suck at this. I want to lift something. Why can’t we do squats? I am good at those. Can’t breathe. Pursed lip breathing. Ok, I got this. I can do this. I am an overcomer. 30 more seconds…..oh man. I don’t got this….why did 90 lbs seem so easy to lose? I am going to be stuck at this level forever….it’s meant to be….i am in no way an athlete. I should be better than I am. I shouldn’t of had that coffee. My stomach hurts. My back hurts. Did I run wrong? Lunges. I loathe lunges. 20? With the bar? Ok. 20 is just 4 sets of 5, 10 seconds. Just 10 more seconds and I will do it. Seriously? The treadmill, again? I will take up the whole rest of the hour just doing the mile again”
Most of these are excuses. My own mind wanting to find an excuse – a reason to stay right where I am physically. The old me trying to wage war again. Today was a workout that I will remember because even though mountains weren’t conquered – at 930am, I still want to come back and do it again. To see what I can do tomorrow. Goals will be smashed and I am one day, one step closer to reaching it. And maybe I will even get excited when I hear the word, “lunges.” Ok, let’s not get too carried away!