It Ain’t Easy

It’s been almost a year after Healthy U. Almost 2 years since I laced up my first pair of running shoes.
It doesn’t really get easier. It’s hard. I can look back at 2014 and think that I wasn’t a success. It was way harder than my first year. It’s easier to give up when you think no one is looking. Who cares if I miss a day, a week, at the gym? Really, who is watching me when I have graduated Healthy U?
I probably won’t ever get to the point where food is constantly on my mind. I will always want a Big Mac instead of a grilled chicken sub (no mayo, of course). I will probably always prefer to want to stay home and get caught up on things instead of getting my toddler fed and dressed when he wants to watch Team Umizoomi, myself halfway decent, and ignore the dishes and laundry – to make myself sweat and be uncomfortable for an hour.
I don’t know the statistics or percentages, but I am sure most people who lose a significant amount of weight, gain most, if not more – back eventually. Honestly, it scares me….a lot. There are many moments that I feel helpless – that I will be obese again.
But here’s the kicker. I am not helpless. I am a success. I spent this year, kicking and screaming, fighting, to stay afloat. I have cried, I have felt frustrated, I have felt so angry that it was unfair seeing the skinny girls eat mounds of food at the Christmas buffets while I gain 3 lbs afterwards. I have tried again many, many, many times after a food binge, I was tempted a lot to try new diet fads so I could see quick results again (seems like after my success, I was bombarded with a lot of people wanting to offer me a ‘supplement’) I have reevaluated my goals numerous times, BUT I didn’t become a statistic. I may have had a bigger dream in January 2014 to be 20 lbs less than I am now. But that’s ok. I choose to celebrate that I fought to stay in the fight and give or take 10 lbs, I have maintained my weight.
People are watching me. I am sure there are a lot of people that think, “Yeah, it’s easy to lose weight if I had a personal trainer and dietician. Anyone can lose weight then. What about after?” (Which by the way, is FALSE! I know some of the students have thought that it would be a program that would do the work for them. Nope. This wasn’t The Biggest Loser. I didn’t live with my support team. I only got out of the program, what I put in.) Anyway – future, current, and past students are watching me. Wondering if this can really be for real, if a person can really be free from the addiction with food.

So yes. Yes, you can. And why have I maintained? Because every single pound was lost without surgery, without a shake, without a pill, without starving myself. I did it on my own. Quick fixes are just that. Quick. It puts a bandaid over a wound. It may cover the issue for a moment, but soon – the problem is going to spill over. I will always need to celebrate my small moments of success, forgive myself when I mess up, refuse to wallow in the guilt, not ignore my scale or tape measure but face the consequences of a binge and begin again, speak positive to myself, to be kind to myself, love who I am – WHERE I am.

So the holiday binge is over. The dirty dishes and laundry can wait. Team Umizoomi will be there later. It’s time to face the scale, forgive, and hold my head up with success. I encourage my past Healthy U friends to begin again. Even though you may feel like a statistic, you can beat it. You had the fire in you and you still have it. Keep going. Don’t quit. Your running shoes are still there, the gym is still there, your Healthy U coaches and friends are still there to encourage you to move forward. Let’s inspire.

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