I confess again. After I accomplished my half marathon goal back in September, I got very relaxed in my nutrition and exercise. My friends warned me, but I thought I was safe and invincible even without a plan. But I can probably count on my hands the number of times I have been to the gym the last few months. Filling my plate with seconds and driving through the McDonald’s has made my clothes tight and my belly a bit miserable…and well, I’m miserable too. My husband tried to take my picture the other day. The same insecure feelings I had a few years ago raised up and I covered my face until he put his phone down. That was a wake up call.
I am not happy.
The scale is collecting dust and out of batteries. My running shoes have been buried behind my dress shoes. My gym bag is lost in my closet. I have a lot less laundry because my gym clothes are nicely folded in a drawer.
It’s been harder to fight against depression, insecurities, and the tendency to play victim. I’m tired. I’m grouchy.
I have the power in me to be happy. It’s my choice. Besides my faith in Christ, I am most secure with myself when I live a healthy life inside and out. I look back on my testimony and I know I am a fighter. I am not knocked out for the count.
I am happy.
Happy that I still have it in me. I am not a statistic even when I should have been. I have risen above many odds in my life. Playing victim, feeling sorry for myself, and feeding into the lie that I am a failure – why even try again – never, ever pushed me above any of those odds.
I dust off my scale this week, unbury the tape measure, update my fitness pal, organize my gym bag, and pull my Brooks out of hiding. Yes, it’s January 1st. The odds are against me again that a “resolution” will stick. But remember 3 years ago? My “resolution” turned into a 100lb weight loss. I am ready to beat the odds again. In fact, I think the odds are in my favor.
…by the way, my husband and I are competing against each other in a weight loss challenge. Let it be said now that he may have won back at the end of 2013 when we competed against each other – but it’s not going to happen again. Happy wife – happy life! Ha!